By: ISHFAQ MAJEED
Weddings are infact a grand celebrations of Love. However, the simplicity that once defined these unions has been replaced by ever-increasing societal expectations and financial demands particularly in Kashmir, transforming what should be a joyous occasion into a complex challenge for many families. With a steady rise in wedding costs, evolving customs, and social pressures, marriage has become not only a cultural event but a significant financial burden for financially average families. This burden has led to an alarming trend in Kashmir. The delay in marriages for many young people particularly women, who remain unmarried well into their 30s.
The Rise of expensive trends and customs once characterized by simplicity, Kashmiri weddings have increasingly become elaborate affairs influenced by new trends, a desire for grandeur, and changing expectations. Central to this transformation is the traditional Wazwan, a multi-course feast that holds a special place in Kashmiri culture. Prepared with care and skill, the Wazwan includes several rich dishes, often featuring delicacies such as Rogan Josh, and Tabak Maaz, is traditionally served at weddings as a mark of hospitality and pride. However, the increasing costs associated with hosting a full Wazwan feast—particularly in terms of ingredients, labor, and presentation—have turned it from a cultural symbol into a considerable financial strain for many families. Weddings today often require marriage halls or large gathering spaces, which, when combined with elaborate decorations, designer attire, and extensive jewelry, elevate expenses far beyond the reach of many middle-class families. In some cases, even families with more modest means feel obligated to match these standards, creating a culture where wedding expenditures symbolize social status rather than the essence of marriage.
One of the most visible consequences of these financial and social pressures is the significant delay in marriages. Traditionally, the acceptable marriageable age for girls in Kashmir was between 18 and 22, yet a growing number of young women are staying unmarried well into their 30s. In many cases, this delay is not by choice but due to the financial limitations their families face when trying to organize a wedding that aligns with societal expectations. For parents, who bear the primary responsibility of funding these weddings, the pressure is immense. Financial constraints often force families to postpone their daughters’ marriages until they can gather enough resources to host an event that meets communal standards. This trend has created deep anxiety for families, who worry about social judgment if their daughters remain unmarried, while young women themselves experience emotional strain and uncertainty about their future.
For many middle-class and lower-income families in Kashmir, marriage expenses have become nearly insurmountable. Fathers, who traditionally assume the financial responsibility for weddings, frequently find themselves stretched beyond their means to meet community expectations. This situation has led to a growing practice of borrowing large sums of money to fund weddings, plunging families into debt that can take years to repay. Beyond the financial burden, the emotional toll on families is also significant. Parents, eager to see their children settled and thriving, often feel caught in a difficult position, balancing their desire to provide a fulfilling wedding experience with the harsh reality of their financial constraints. Additionally, the expectation of dowries in some segments of society further intensifies this pressure, making it even more challenging for families to achieve what is often seen as a basic parental duty.
The delay in marriages has also led to larger societal implications. As the age of marriage increases, the very fabric of Kashmiri society is changing, with late marriages, once considered rare. For young women in particular, this delay can create social stigma, as communities sometimes view them with a critical eye, seeing their unmarried status as unusual. Men, too, find it increasingly challenging to marry, as they face expectations to provide for elaborate weddings and often confront high dowry demands. This shift has raised concerns among community leaders, families, and scholars, all of whom recognize the impact that evolving wedding customs are having on traditional family structures. Young people, especially those eager to begin families of their own, often find themselves at odds with the financial constraints of their parents, leading to a growing gap between aspirations and realities. For some, the option of a simple, no-frills wedding holds great appeal; however, the strength of societal expectations discourages many families from breaking away from the status quo.
In response to this growing crisis, a segment of Kashmiri society is advocating for a return to simpler, more affordable wedding practices. Scholars, religious leaders, and some community elders are increasingly urging families to limit the scale of weddings, with a focus on reducing the emphasis on costly traditions and placing more importance on the true values of marriage: companionship, respect, and family unity. Efforts to encourage a simpler approach to weddings include proposals to reduce the number of dishes in the Wazwan or even replace it with more affordable alternatives. Additionally, the practice of collective or community weddings, where multiple couples marry in a single ceremony, is being explored as a way to share costs and ease the burden on individual families. Religious leaders and activists are also calling for an end to the dowry system, which is seen as one of the key financial hurdles for families, particularly those with daughters. Some local organizations are actively promoting these ideas through community meetings and social campaigns, emphasizing that a meaningful marriage should not be measured by its extravagance but by the love and commitment it symbolizes. These efforts are gradually gaining traction, with some families opting for simpler weddings and finding that the community is more accepting than they initially feared.
The mounting challenges surrounding marriage in Kashmir reflect a broader struggle within society to reconcile cultural heritage with modern economic and social realities. While the beauty and cultural richness of traditional Kashmiri weddings are undeniable, the financial pressures they impose have altered the experience for many families, leaving them feeling more burdened than celebrated. As more young people delay marriage due to financial constraints and societal expectations, there is an urgent need for a shift in how marriage is perceived. By embracing simpler, more accessible wedding customs and focusing on the core values of family and companionship, Kashmiri society can return to the essence of marriage without the heavy financial and emotional toll it currently imposes. With community support and an increased willingness to embrace change, families across Kashmir have the opportunity to redefine what marriage means in the region—balancing tradition with practicality and creating a future where the beauty of Kashmiri weddings is celebrated without undue hardship.
